Why Pray
Kindred Spirits,
Why do I pray? How do I answer that question? What comes to mind is Maria’s answer from the Sound of Music. “Let’s start from the very beginning.”
In the beginning I was taught to say bedtime prayers. Than I went to school and was taught more prayers, and more prayers in church. I followed along because that was what I was taught to do.
In high school I had a meditation/journaling class and learned to meditate and write down the thoughts that crossed my mind, while in that quiet, tranquil space. To be honest, most of the time I just fell asleep. But there were times that I would explore my thoughts, my life, faith and prayer. I would begin to write and I could write and write and the words would just flow as they are doing right now. Maybe even to many words, words that didn’t make any sense and only sounded like babble. (Kinda like what I’m doing now)
I remember writing in that class. I remember that journal. It was like a diary, I wouldn’t let it out of my site. Gosh, I wish I had that journal. It definitely would be kinda fun to read what a sixteen year old me was thinking and writing about.
Off to college I went. I had to work to afford community college – so between running to work, going to school and squeezing in homework I began the rat race of rush, rush, rush.
I fell in love, got married – and there was even more rushing going on. Years passed and although I taught the kids bedtime prayers and church prayers, I am sure that I also kinda prayed, but I definitely stopped journaling.
Like everything in life, prayer is also a journey. It changes over time. In my youth, I just memorized and recited prayers when I was told. In the rushing years, prayer was always “Help me God! I really need you!” I was very needy. I needed help navigating the chaos of well – Everything!
There was also a time when I questioned God. “God, please explain! I do not UNDERSTAND! Why?” During this phase of my life, I know I definitely used a few more choice words in my conversations.
Today, I would have to say I make time for prayer. In these last 10 years I have more of a routine. I say the rosary most mornings. Normally, I start with ”Lord, who do I need to pray for?” I usually get an answer pretty quick. It’s someone or a situation that’s on my mind. I recite the prayers that I have memorized and BOOM I pretty much have a good day. I pretty much feel when I do this I’ve done that let go, let God thing and He is on it. I’ve noticed that when I do not start my day this way, it usually ends up pretty sucky so I stick to the routine.
Most evenings before I go to bed, I open up the journal on my nightstand and write a few words. Some evenings there are so many words that flow, other evenings it’s just a sentence or two. I’ve noticed that since I picked up this habit of evening prayer, I sleep better I wish I picked this up years and years ago. But, as they say “It’s never to late to start something new.”
Speaking of something new, there is this phenomenon that goes on with me when I’m in nature. As I’ve mentioned before, my husband and I go camping most weekends. When I’m at our campground surrounded by trees, I feel God’s presence. It’s the BEST time for me to pray and it’s because I pray out loud. Actually, it’s more of a conversation and to me that is prayer.
An amazing feeling comes over me as I’m raking leaves and throwing them into the fire. I get excited every spring to see the new foliage coming up. During the summer, I look forward to see what flowers are about to bloom or have bloomed. In the fall, although I have to say goodbye to the beautiful blooms, and work a little by splitting those hostas, and planting a few more bulbs – God fills me with this awesome feeling of accomplishment and peace that get’s me through each cold Chicago winter.